Man of Steel (IMAX 3D)

Man of Copper...

                                   Constantly turning around doesn't constitute as a performance

DIRECTOR: Christopher Nol- erm, no- I mean Zack Snyder

CAST: ME!, Micky Ward's girlfriend, that guy Eminem punched, The Postman, Russell Crowe fighting around the world, Paulette Goddard and the Silver Surfer...

PLOT: A reboot of one of the most universally famous superheroes, we go through the origins of Superman being Nolan-afied. 

I've never liked 'Superman'. It's difficult to begin as to why I don't. Firstly, how the fuck do we kill him? Not by shooting him in the eye, we know that much already. He's too... super. He hasn't got enough weaknesses, and thus we can't see ourselves in him. Bruce Wayne's parents are dead, Tony Stark's an alcoholic and prone to anxiety attacks and Peter Parker is a massive nerd. And all of them subsequently make far more interesting superheroes.

David S. Goyer also reminds us that he stands as a patriotic symbol to the US, especially with the ill-advised line "I grew up in Kansas, General. I'm about as American as it gets." So the US won't rest at westernising the Middle East? They can also westernise aliens as well; and end up using them as propaganda tools.

Oh, and I've always hated the disguise of a pair of glasses.

But due to impressive trailers, and Zack Snyder and Christopher Nolan being on board, of course I had to sit up and notice. It gave me high hopes that the good sides of 'Superman' could be embodied in the film. Such as the positive message that can be given to people - that we can all be a superman and act bravely, no matter how small said act may be. 

However, with having the directors of 'Watchmen' and 'TDK' trilogy as the creative force of the film, it's obvious that 'Man of Steel' was going to be a lot more serious and darker than what we're used to. And this ends up being one of the film's biggest failings. The whole ridiculous premise of 'Superman' could be half-forgiven with the Christopher Reeve movies because they were camp and light-hearted. They knew that it was ridiculous. 'Batman' could get away with being more realistic (at least in a comic book sense). Superman cannot. 

Thus, what we are given is a joyless, po-faced origins story that drags on for at least half an hour and takes itself way too seriously. It's not helped by a hammy Michael Shannon performance as 'General Zod', who seems to spend most of his time turning around into a close-up, looking menacing and snarling direlogue such as "either you die! Or I die!" The amount of exposition and explaining of his evil plans doesn't make him anymore villainous either. Instead he just seems a bit pathetic and moany; an age-old bad guy who tells everyone what he's going to do, which of course means that we already know the outcome.

On the plus side, at least Henry Cavill was a convincing enough 'Superman'. His chiselled jaw, perfect hair cut and herculean body will probably make sure that he is blue tacked to a lot of teenaged girls bedroom walls. Other than that, he's not given an awful lot to do as 'Clark Kent', and is instead spending the majority of his performance pulling determined faces as talented VFX teams make him fight in bloated video game-like action sequences that last for far too long.

                                  He'd had a bit too much to drink at the work-do's fancy dress party

Considering that this is supposed to be an origins story, we don't really receive any new information or any different angles to what we already know. The origin is skipped past, and we only get glimpses of his childhood that look like they have been shot using Instagram; all of which that we have already witnessed in the trailers. 

In fact, the whole film is like a two-and-a-half-hour trailer. It never takes a rest to settle down on a scene and give any of the characters a quiet moment to develop. And because of this you find yourself not giving a shit about anyone involved. Even the unlucky ones of 'Metropolis' (basically New York) who are blown up for about 40 minutes of the film - something 'The Avengers' did better.

The moments that are supposed to feel epic thanks to Hans Zimmer's ear-assaulting score subsequently fails to resonate on an emotional or thrilling level. When so much is fitted into one text, it's hard to care and you'll begin to think about what you're going to have to eat when you get home.

One thing that definitely is missing - a bit of slow motion. The action is so quick that it's often difficult to know what is happening. And the hectic, hand-held style doesn't compliment the third dimension either (if you're desperate to give it a go, see it in good old 2D!) You'd be forgiven for not knowing that 'Man of Steel' was in fact directed by Zack Snyder, even though it is visually brilliant, but not groundbreaking. If you want a superhero film for 2013, you're best off giving Robert Downey Jr. your attention. 'Man of Steel' unfortunately feels as if Nolan has tried to turn 'Superman' into 'Batman'. It wants to be 'Batman Begins'. But after trying so hard, 'Batman' is still conclusively the superman of the DC Universe. 

* *  ½