An old bint dies... apparently the Queen's parachute failed at the Olympics Opening Ceremony.
DIRECTOR: Sam Mendes
CAST: The less enthralling 'Mikael Blomkvist', 'M' for morbid, the Academey's boyfriend, Volde'M'ort, amazingly hot woman #1, amazingly hot woman #2, hipster!
PLOT: 'Silva' (Bardem) breaches the MI6 on the latest installation of Internet Explorer, but it turns out that his motivations are a lot more personal than anyone expected. Someone needs to come and save the day! Enter 'Bond'... 'James Bond'.
(Beware, SPOILERS ahead!)
Muahaha! My plan has worked
perfectly! Everyone went to see this as soon as it had
been released, thus reader's had no idea which reviews to read! And now
all the hype is over, MY review will stand out and I will get hundreds
and hundreds of views! *Maniacal laugh... maniacal laugh...*
Or people will have already made their own mind up on 'Skyfall' and not give two squirts of piss about this.
Swings and roundabouts...
Anyway, the real reasons that it has taken me almost 2 months to see 'Skyfall' is because I'm a piss poor student and couldn't afford it for ages, and I'm not really a huge 'Bond' fan. Prior to this, the only 'James Bond' film that I have truly enjoyed was the exceptional 'Casino Royale', and whereas I don't hate 'Quantum of Solace' quite as mercilessly as most, it still is a weak, humourless film with a muddled plot. So, after seeing 'Quantum', I could be forgiven for prematurely believing that 'Casino Royale' was the only 'Bond' film for me.
Now, I didn't want to get stuck explaining as to why I hate pre-Daniel Craig 'Bond' so much, but I guess I have to touch on some points in order to justify why Daniel Craig 'Bond' films are the best ever.
Firstly, I'm not the most patriotic person in Britain. I couldn't give a shit about the Olympics, national pride and all that lark. So you'll excuse me if I'm never filled with nostalgia when 'James' punches a foreign dude in the face.
Secondly, anyone who has ever played the world famous secret agent prior to Daniel Craig, is in my opinion (bracing myself for a backlash of hatred), poor. I hate everything Pierce Brosnan has ever been in, apart from 'Mars Attacks', and that's only because he loses his head. And frankly, I think Sean Connery is overrated. Any actor who cannot correctly pronounce their 'S'' isn't going to get much love from me. And there's no need to get me started on the other four.
But it's not just the actors who I can't get along with, it's also the style of classic '007' movies. Cars have never appealed to me, so I quite enjoyed the car being flipped in 'Casino Royale'. I prefer realism, so exploding pens and invisible cars have never appealed to me. And, believe it or not, racism and sexism has never appealed to me either.
No wonder why I've always preferred 'Austin Powers'.
'Skyfall' doesn't rely on any of these things. There's no reliance on cars apart from the classic Aston Martin (at least I think it was an Aston Martin, I can never be too sure). Ben Whisaw was great as 'Q' and the young actor wasn't overshadowed by a stong supporting cast (despite looking like the world's biggest hipster), his quip about exploding pens encapsulated my feelings about daft gadgets. I've always preferred the gadgets in the 'Mission: Impossible' franchise if I'm being honest.
Although, 'Bond' could still be argued as being both a little bit racist and sexist - all the villains are foreginers, but at least everything isn't blamed on the Russian's now. Plus, 'Silva' used to work for MI6 apparently, so the Brits have to take some of the blame. And yes, 'Bond... James Bond', still fucks anything with a pulse, and even at one point suggests that it may not have always been straight experiences (modernism, bitches). And where I do believe that 'Bond's' lack of empathy for the death of 'Sévérine' was ill-contrived due to the fact that only a mere two scenes before 'Bond' had fucked her in the shower, showing 'Bond' a distinct lack of humanity. But at least now he has an excuse. This is the first 'Bond' where we find out about his past, his childhood, his backstory. He can now play the orphan card and lack of parent figures in his life for his poor treatment of the opposite sex - for the first time, he has an excuse for being a prick. So now, for the first time, I have an excuse to like him without feeling like a bad person.
But away from all of the politics and correctness, 'Skyfall' is a solid film from the get-go. The pre-credit sequence is exciting, dangerous and has the Great dry British sense of humour, one of the very few good things we have produced. The opening titles are stylistically beautiful, Adele's track compliments it perfectly, and I only realised after the film that the visuals shown was actually the complete narrative. The action sequences are brilliant, and the cinematography is often amazing from Roger Deakins.
But what I was most impressed with was the outstanding supporting cast. Judi Dench is given a lot more to do as 'M'. Ralph Fiennes is a joy to watch in whatever he's in. Albert Finney was fun and he could pronounce his 'S'' with no difficulty. I'm not a big fan of Naomie Harris but she looks good, so 'who cares this is a 'Bond' film' is what I'm supposed to say.
Yet for me, Javier Bardem not only steals the show, he creates it. His introduction is sinister. His means of destruction is modern through the world of cyber-terrorism. His intentions are clear and actually realistic when compared to past 'Bond' villains. His backstory is more than interesting, I'd happily watch a whole film just about 'Silva'.
Although, I can't help but think - is 2012 the year in which all villains want to be caught?
Daniel Craig is starting to prove to me that he is a brilliant actor as well. I've always considered him hit and miss, but I hope he takes this into a run of consistency. His humour mixed with the grit works perfectly for modern day audiences.
Oh, I almost forgot what I dislike most about pre-Craig 'Bond'. The fact that you know how every single one of them is going to end. He'll never die, he'll save the day, he'll fuck a hot chick, etc. But Daniel Craig does seriously come across as the first 'James Bond' that might actually die. He's believable in the face of danger. This is the first 'Bond' film that could ever be spoilt.
I didn't exit the cinema feeling as overwhelmed as most due to the tragic finale. The reason for this is because a couple of weeks ago in one of my lectures some stupid person blurted out 'M's' demise. Although, had she kept her mouth shut, I might have been shocked along with the rest of the audience. Had the ending not being ruined for me, perhaps 'Skyfall' would have earned five stars.
If the next 50 years of 'Bond' can live up to both this, and 'Casino Royale', then maybe, just maybe, I'll start giving a toss about Aston Martin's.
Or people will have already made their own mind up on 'Skyfall' and not give two squirts of piss about this.
Swings and roundabouts...
Anyway, the real reasons that it has taken me almost 2 months to see 'Skyfall' is because I'm a piss poor student and couldn't afford it for ages, and I'm not really a huge 'Bond' fan. Prior to this, the only 'James Bond' film that I have truly enjoyed was the exceptional 'Casino Royale', and whereas I don't hate 'Quantum of Solace' quite as mercilessly as most, it still is a weak, humourless film with a muddled plot. So, after seeing 'Quantum', I could be forgiven for prematurely believing that 'Casino Royale' was the only 'Bond' film for me.
Now, I didn't want to get stuck explaining as to why I hate pre-Daniel Craig 'Bond' so much, but I guess I have to touch on some points in order to justify why Daniel Craig 'Bond' films are the best ever.
Firstly, I'm not the most patriotic person in Britain. I couldn't give a shit about the Olympics, national pride and all that lark. So you'll excuse me if I'm never filled with nostalgia when 'James' punches a foreign dude in the face.
Secondly, anyone who has ever played the world famous secret agent prior to Daniel Craig, is in my opinion (bracing myself for a backlash of hatred), poor. I hate everything Pierce Brosnan has ever been in, apart from 'Mars Attacks', and that's only because he loses his head. And frankly, I think Sean Connery is overrated. Any actor who cannot correctly pronounce their 'S'' isn't going to get much love from me. And there's no need to get me started on the other four.
But it's not just the actors who I can't get along with, it's also the style of classic '007' movies. Cars have never appealed to me, so I quite enjoyed the car being flipped in 'Casino Royale'. I prefer realism, so exploding pens and invisible cars have never appealed to me. And, believe it or not, racism and sexism has never appealed to me either.
No wonder why I've always preferred 'Austin Powers'.
'Skyfall' doesn't rely on any of these things. There's no reliance on cars apart from the classic Aston Martin (at least I think it was an Aston Martin, I can never be too sure). Ben Whisaw was great as 'Q' and the young actor wasn't overshadowed by a stong supporting cast (despite looking like the world's biggest hipster), his quip about exploding pens encapsulated my feelings about daft gadgets. I've always preferred the gadgets in the 'Mission: Impossible' franchise if I'm being honest.
Although, 'Bond' could still be argued as being both a little bit racist and sexist - all the villains are foreginers, but at least everything isn't blamed on the Russian's now. Plus, 'Silva' used to work for MI6 apparently, so the Brits have to take some of the blame. And yes, 'Bond... James Bond', still fucks anything with a pulse, and even at one point suggests that it may not have always been straight experiences (modernism, bitches). And where I do believe that 'Bond's' lack of empathy for the death of 'Sévérine' was ill-contrived due to the fact that only a mere two scenes before 'Bond' had fucked her in the shower, showing 'Bond' a distinct lack of humanity. But at least now he has an excuse. This is the first 'Bond' where we find out about his past, his childhood, his backstory. He can now play the orphan card and lack of parent figures in his life for his poor treatment of the opposite sex - for the first time, he has an excuse for being a prick. So now, for the first time, I have an excuse to like him without feeling like a bad person.
But away from all of the politics and correctness, 'Skyfall' is a solid film from the get-go. The pre-credit sequence is exciting, dangerous and has the Great dry British sense of humour, one of the very few good things we have produced. The opening titles are stylistically beautiful, Adele's track compliments it perfectly, and I only realised after the film that the visuals shown was actually the complete narrative. The action sequences are brilliant, and the cinematography is often amazing from Roger Deakins.
But what I was most impressed with was the outstanding supporting cast. Judi Dench is given a lot more to do as 'M'. Ralph Fiennes is a joy to watch in whatever he's in. Albert Finney was fun and he could pronounce his 'S'' with no difficulty. I'm not a big fan of Naomie Harris but she looks good, so 'who cares this is a 'Bond' film' is what I'm supposed to say.
Yet for me, Javier Bardem not only steals the show, he creates it. His introduction is sinister. His means of destruction is modern through the world of cyber-terrorism. His intentions are clear and actually realistic when compared to past 'Bond' villains. His backstory is more than interesting, I'd happily watch a whole film just about 'Silva'.
Although, I can't help but think - is 2012 the year in which all villains want to be caught?
Daniel Craig is starting to prove to me that he is a brilliant actor as well. I've always considered him hit and miss, but I hope he takes this into a run of consistency. His humour mixed with the grit works perfectly for modern day audiences.
Oh, I almost forgot what I dislike most about pre-Craig 'Bond'. The fact that you know how every single one of them is going to end. He'll never die, he'll save the day, he'll fuck a hot chick, etc. But Daniel Craig does seriously come across as the first 'James Bond' that might actually die. He's believable in the face of danger. This is the first 'Bond' film that could ever be spoilt.
I didn't exit the cinema feeling as overwhelmed as most due to the tragic finale. The reason for this is because a couple of weeks ago in one of my lectures some stupid person blurted out 'M's' demise. Although, had she kept her mouth shut, I might have been shocked along with the rest of the audience. Had the ending not being ruined for me, perhaps 'Skyfall' would have earned five stars.
If the next 50 years of 'Bond' can live up to both this, and 'Casino Royale', then maybe, just maybe, I'll start giving a toss about Aston Martin's.
* * * * ½
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