Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit

As dull as the name

                                                        "Maximum thrusters, Mr. Sulu!"

DIRECTOR: Kenneth Branagh

CAST: James T. Kirk, Decoy Queen, Superman's adopted dad, and Professor Gilderoy Lockhart...

PLOT: Based on the character by the late Tom Clancy, this reboot serves as an origins story for Jack Ryan (Chris Pine) - a marine turned analyst turned CIA agent who has to stop a Russian from destroying the US economy.


Jack Ryan is a fairy successful series, and this, the fifth film to be based on the character, is the fifth box office success, yet again grossing more money than what it costs. It certainly holds a strong fan base due to being a character from the late Tom Clancy, an icon when it comes to spy thriller literature. No mean feat at all considering this is the second successive Jack Ryan film to be a disappointing affair.

Firstly, Kenneth Branagh is a solid director when it comes to drama, and specifically the works of William Shakespeare. So it's no surprise that Shadow Recruit's action sequences are exhaustingly average and unmemorable. We saw in Thor how Branagh's direction is much stronger in slower, talky sequences that relies on performance and straightforward editing.

Secondly, Kenneth Branagh is a wonderful actor when it comes to a host of different roles, specifically in roles from the works of Shakespeare. His acting talent is barely felt as he mumbles in a monotonous Russian accent and keeps the same facial expression for one hour and forty five minutes. Branagh probably wishes to spread his wings, but honestly - he's better than this. His stereotypical Russian seems like something from a movie from the '80s when Russians were always the bad guy. Perhaps now the media portrays them all as homophobes it is their turn to be the villains of the world once again. Don't worry people of the Middle East, you can take a breather now.

Chris Pine, on the other hand, is fine as Jack Ryan. He may be a bit more metrosexual than the most successful Ryan to date, Harrison Ford, but Pine's effortless charisma and likability means that he does well with what he's given. The role, though, is a flawed one. The plot is messy when an analyst is thrust into being an active CIA agent who sees action without the proper training, and despite the fact that he used to be a marine, it serves as no excuse.

                        "I told you if you got lost to meet me by the building that looks like an ice cream!"

There are many questionable elements in the plot - why don't people kill one another when they get clear chances? Why not send a trained CIA action hero to investigate Branagh's big bad? Why is Keira Knightley so annoying? People will probably forget to question these flaws, though, because they are too busy scratching their heads, wondering aloud what it is that the Russian's are actually doing.

It's an intelligent decision to have terrorism of the economic kind to be the threat. It's relevant to the times we live in, constantly hearing news about double-dip recessions, foreigners apparently taking our benefits and politicians stealing money - why not tap into the public's fears? It helps to be understood, mind. When Kevin Costner's boss of Jack tells him to explain things to him as if he was an idiot, he should've mentioned it for the entire film. Using CIA and economic lingo for exposition doesn't make the film clever, and people shouldn't have to be spoon fed to understand an action film that is relatively low on action.

There are some minor saving graces - there's a strong restaurant scene where CIA trickery comes into play as Pine pretends to be a drunken buffoon, and a fight scene in a hotel room early on stands out as a shame because the best part of the movie comes far too early. You won't be surprised come the end, as conventions and cliches are ticked off throughout. An awful opening sequence of Jack Ryan watching news at the London School of Economics regarding a terrorist attack on America, culminating in an actor with an awful English accent apologising to him because he is American has the alarm bells ringing right away. However, due to the financial success, a Jack Ryan franchise seems like a strong possibility, but sequels will have to improve greatly if they don't want Tom Clancy's character to come across as a tired, boring version of James Bond.

* * 

The Wolf of Wall Street

Martin Scorsese - making jackasses seem likeable since the 1970s

                                                                          FINISH HIM

DIRECTOR: Martin Scorsese

CAST: Jay Gatsby, Peter Brand, your new female obsession, that actor who used to be shit but is now really good, Hamilton Jordan, Shane from The Walking Dead, The Artist, the bloke who directed Iron Man, the bloke who directed Being John Malkovich, Eli from Boardwalk Empire and a fuck tonne of actors whose faces you will recognise with names you can't recall...

PLOT: Based on the life of the real wolf of wall street, Jordan Belfort, we watch his rise and fall as a charismatic, hilarious, drug-addicted, crooked stockbroker who stood up against the FBI, the forces of nature and the Swiss...

Martin Scorsese has a true talent in making his audience root for dickheads. Over the years he's manipulated us to fall in love with gangsters, murderers, loners and annoying kids that live in train stations, and he's managed to do no less with his latest offering, The Wolf of Wall Street, based on the memoirs from the real person. 

Right from the get-go we have to hold on tight in order not to fall off the bat-shit crazy rollercoaster that takes in copious amounts of drugs, alcohol, hookers and enough money to make your average Premier League footballer feel inadequate. We should hate this man, this physical embodiment of capitalism, who capitalises on other people's misery and shortcomings by only having one thing on his mind - making money - and to top it all off, doing absolutely nothing good with it apart from blowing it all on boats that can fit other boats inside of it and houses that could do the same.

But we do, and this is all down to Scorsese and Terence Winter, scribe of the film who's most famous for penning HBO's Boardwalk Empire. Scorsese's lightning-paced narrative that flies through a large portion of Belfort's life never gives us a moment to think in hindsight about how much of a repugnant man he is, despite the fact that it is three hours long, it never once seems to drag (prepare yourselves for a 4 hour cut that is reportedly to be released on DVD). Combined with Winter's witty and outrageous script that delivers some of the funniest dialogue imaginable, this is black comedy at its finest that gives a new meaning to 'cerebral palsy'.

                                                    Human bumblebee is displeased

But even Scorsese and Winter can't make a man who throws dwarfs around for fun someone who we want to spend time with for three hours. They need some help. And who else better to ask for help than a cast that can joke and charm their way into cinema history?

Leonardo DiCaprio may not win that Academy Award that he's been waiting so long for due to the fact that he plays a bastard, but he will go down as one of the most iconic characters in film. Love him or hate him, DiCaprio is stunningly realistic as Belfort - a likeable actor who oozes charisma and can get away with bad things much to the viewers glee. He doesn't quite have to descend to the emotional lows as his fellow nominees this awards season, but that shouldn't take anything away from this performance. DiCaprio does comedy as well as anyone. 

However, there are plenty of on screen supporters who almost takes the limelight away from the wolf, namely Jonah Hill as Belfort's partner, Donnie Azoff, who often comes across as even more of a cock than Belfort does. Hill's transformation, with his absurd hair and teeth, may have accepted low pay (in Hollywood standards, at least) for a chance to work with Scorsese, but after this he has once again proved that he is one of the most consistent and flexible actors working today, managing to balance comedy and drama perfectly, and not for the first time. 

The Wolf of Wall Street isn't your usual Oscar bait - it's far too crude and at times, downright disgusting, for any big wins. But judging by the fact that it's still selling out in cinemas nationwide weeks after release, Scorsese and company will be pleased that it will be many people's favourite this awards season, even if they don't receive a self-celebratory trophy for it.

* * * * *

American Hustle

And the Oscar for worst hair goes to...

                             Bradley Cooper embraced the Scouse culture when moving to Liverpool

DIRECTOR: David O. Russell

CAST: Batman, Rocket Raccoon, Lois Lane, Hansel the witch hunter, every man's current obsession, Louie, Boardwalk Empire's Richard Harrow and Eli Thompson, Will Jimeno, the Arab from La Haine and Jack Tiberius Byrnes...

PLOT: Loosely based on an FBI operation during the 1970s and 80s, a group of American hustlers plan on catching politicians partaking in acts of corruption.

How do you get people to root for dirty, lying, cheating, sleazy hustlers that con desperate people out of their hard earned, last dollops of cash? You get them to hustle dirtier, lying-er, cheating-er, sleazier hustlers... also known as politicians.

Because despite the awful hair, the monstrous fashion, and the inability to operate "science ovens", American Hustle is astonishingly more relevant today than it ever was. All over the western world, the media is dominated by expense scamming politicians taking money that doesn't belong to them and using it to build moats for their ducks in the back garden of their Eton mansions or whatever ever the frack they wastefully need to indulge on.

This is key to making our characters likeable, because if they were hustling anyone who was a smidgen more tolerable than politicians, then we wouldn't be able to support what 'Irving' (a pot-bellied, unfit Christian Bale - once again demonstrating his passion for acting with his constant extreme change in physique), 'Sydney' (a wonderful Amy Adams who should teach fellow American actors on how to perfect the English accent) and FBI agent 'Richie' (becoming an O. Russell regular with his recent career rejuvenation) were doing to their unsuspecting victims.

                                            I've... I've got nothing - this shot is just perfect

This gives room for our actors to perform to their filthiest and still be considered human. For all of the shit that they pull, even on the people that don't deserve it, it is veiled by the sublime performances by all involved, completely warranting the best actor noms they have been scooping up this awards season, and by an expertly witty script penned by O. Russell and Eric Warren Singer. For a film that could have stuck in the odd gunfight or elaborate punch-up, the makers always steer clear, and instead rely on their actors and their script to make a film that is essentially over two hours of talking. But for all of the talking, there are moments when you think that this could possibly make a strong television series due to still having to rely on an abundance of voiceovers that become overwhelming during the first act.

However, with so many prestigious directors seemingly turning to television, we shouldn't complain too much about O. Russell for sticking to the medium of film, else soon we'll have nobody left. To fit in so much exposition into the time constraints is a success in itself, as this film could have easily dragged on to the three hour mark. Yet despite fitting in so much story and dialogue, the pacing is always perfect, never rushing too quickly. Each character is given their moments, and the montage sequences are wonderfully constructed, helped out by possibly the best soundtrack of any film that is eligible for awards season.

It's not quite David O. Russell's finest film (many will still argue the case for Three Kings, The Fighter or Silver Linings Playbook), as sometimes the full possibility of the danger and threat that our characters are under isn't fully put across. And despite a film receiving so many nominations moving well clear of any accusations of being pretentious or showing off, due to the minimalist and standard approach of the cinematography and editing, there still probably won't be many complaints if the film loses out in the best picture category at the Academy Awards due to the amount of quality from the competition. But chances are O. Russell won't give a toss, because he's made another doozy of a film that once again cements his position as one of the most consistent filmmakers in the business today, and continues to attract the sort of casts that any film director could only wish for, despite holding the controversial reputation of being an arsehole on set. If being an arsehole makes you this talented, though, then sign me up.

Wait, what? I'm already signed up? Where's my talent then? Fuck this...

* * * * ½

12 Years a Slave

Django who?

                                 Solomon couldn't wait to blow out the candles on his birthday cake

DIRECTOR: Steve McQueen

CAST: Kinky Boots, sex addict, another name I have difficulty saying, Smaug, Rusty Ryan, the crazy bible basher from There Will Be Blood, The Rhino, Ellen Dolan and yet another name that I can't pronounce...

PLOT: Based on the true story of Solomon Northup, 12 Years a Slave tells the tale of a free black man living in 19th century New York who is kidnapped and sold into slavery.


Some filmmakers are often targeted for making films simply in an attempt to win awards. They have an emotional script that will strike a chord with panels and empathic audiences alike. They don't work on a massive budget, but they still manage to attract a lot of pristine and usually-expensive actors to star in the film. At the very least they'll receive a nomination, and from then on in all of their trailers they will be able to have the cool voiceover guy say "Directed by Academy Award nominated..."

12 Years a Slave is not that film.

And throwing it out there early on; to the many who simply brush this film aside as 'white guilt' (which doesn't make sense as it was directed by a black man): less of the ignorance and stupidity, please. If that sort of thinking was to be related to cinema, it would suggest that no filmmaker can tell a non-fictionionalised story of an important moment or event in history.

To think like this would be to discredit Spielberg's Schindler's List, Greengrass' United 93, even Eisenstein's Battleship Potemkin. Discredit every great war film ever made, for that matter, as it is this mindset that stems from schoolboy thinking - taking a huge, steaming dump on anyone who shows the slightest bit of passion about a subject.

Either that or you're simply a contrarian.

Away from the rant, though, 12 Years a Slave is a work of art across all aspects of cinema, and because of this, the horrifying story of Solomon Northup, and the atrocities that he faced that are reconstructed in unflinching scenes of pain and anguish, makes 12 Years a Slave worth watching. Many will struggle to stomach scenes that depict torture, such as whippings and hangings, but the beautiful cinematography from Sean Bobbitt, the stunning score from Hans Zimmer and the assured directing from Steve McQueen, maintaining a streak of truly fantastic films, pulls you in from the very beginning of the film and refuses to let you go, making sure that you fully immerse yourself in the emotional rollercoaster that plays like the anti Django Unchained.

                     "Instead of spending all your money on guns, maybe you should buy some tic tacs"

As well as the film having to defend itself against accusations of 'white guilt', McQueen has also had to defend the amount of violence and horror that is shown; the camera hardly veering away from the brutality. To have not made 12 Years a Slave as they had would have been trivialising the entire era of slavery in the US. Justice wouldn't have been fully done and it would have been insulting to people that identify themselves or have strong feelings towards the topic.

Which brings in the acting; which may very well dominate all of the plaudits, making it easy to forget every other aspect of the film. McQueen has often favoured the slow-paced, minimalist approach to many scenes in his three feature films to date, and this gives the talent the opportunity to show off their chops. When the performances have to take on all of the cruel doings and context - hurting each other and being racist to the point where the film is so convincing it becomes terrifying, you know the entire ensemble has, reluctantly in some cases, grasped the subject matter and the story with both hands and done justice to the epic biopic.

It would be unfair to pick out any one performance and hail it as the best, despite the fact that Chiwetel Ejiofor and Michael Fassbender have both, perhaps deservedly so, been winning over the critics. Ejiofor, a fine actor who will rightfully finally be given his fair share of roles in bigger, better films now, is graceful, determined and heartbreaking as Solomon Northup. Fassbender, a McQueen favourite, turns in another performance that highlights his shout as the best actor in the world right now as an evil slaver who tries his very best to make Northup's life a living hell.

But overall, each and every performance, including Paul Dano, Brad Pitt and newcomer Lupita Nyong'o, perfectly rounds this off to be a fully realised and satisfying masterpiece of cinema that goes to show the importance of film as an art form and how stunning a story can be when everything falls precisely into place.

* * * * *

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

*Exclusive hair perming not included*

                                          The botox had to be given some time to settle down

DIRECTOR: Adam McKay

CAST: Ricky Bobby, Burt Wonderstone, a Role Model, Dick from American Dad, Kelly Bundy, the hot one from Brick, Cyclops, Ruff Nut and Indiana Jones...

PLOT: The title of the film says it all really: we continue to celebrate the life and bask in the greatness of the best Anchorman who has ever lived - Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell).

There's an absolutely quality joke towards the end of Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues. It's by no means laugh-out-loud funny, but we understand the truth behind the joke nonetheless, as Ron Burgundy comments on the amount of saturation that the news is undergoing whilst he and his trusty news team is surrounded by a host of other news teams from different TV stations in a scene that riffs on the brilliant action scene from the prequel, managing to boast a whole load of outlandish cameos that would be a shame to spoil.

Ironic then, as the sequel to one of the most popular comedy films of this century sometimes walks the tightrope that risks falling into comic saturation. The narrative structure is a mess, the jokes sometimes rely on the prequel, the ensemble almost becomes overly convoluted. But Will Ferrell and Adam McKay's script, helped with a fantastic supporting cast, make sure that you don't give a shit, because, 'by the hymen of Olivia Newton-John', this is almost just as quotable and hilarious as the first.

And luckily, when there are jokes that riff on the first, they don't dwell on them for too long, or if you're lucky they end up putting a fun spin on them. Kristen Wiig's idiotic Chani, a love interest for Steve Carrell's scene-stealer, Brick, is possibly the only sign of the film that it can sometimes get bogged down with similar ideas; her character may have been funnier if she was a genius rather than simply a 'female Brick'; but for the most part this is a film that is full of new ideas but is still made up of the same ingredients but are thankfully presented in a different way. Any old joke that may seem familiar is there just to remind you of the awesomeness of the best comedy of 2004, and then quickly overshadowed by a brand new gag that will have your sides splitting.

     "This just in - the Empire has been defeated, and there are a bunch of annoying teddy bears celebrating"

There are many cast additions that will get the comedy ball rolling, including James Marsden of X-Men fame and the wonderful Meagan Good who is on the end of some wonderfully inoffensive racial jokes that highlight the ignorance of the era. Christina Applegate, despite given very little trailer time, still holds a relatively important role, helping the film out with the intelligence and feisty side. Yet this is still Ferrell's and his Channel 4 news team's gig, all of them relishing the opportunity to bounce oddball lines off one another to improvisational glee; it's fun to think that they probably had more laughs making it even though you're sat in a packed cinema-screen that is full of howling laughter.

It's easy to forget that when the first Anchorman was released in cinemas it wasn't overly welcomed by critics or audiences. But as DVD sales hit and TV deals struck, the cult success soon became a favourite amongst many. Anchorman 2 has had a much quicker start at the box office, and though it may not quite be the best comedy of the year, it's 'generally' positive reviews so far will probably once again reach universal acclaim as the years go by. Such is the joy in re-watching a film that has so many gags that you manage to catch some new ones with each viewing. 

To take Anchorman 2 seriously, just like the first, would be to do it wrong. The humour, as with any film involving Ferrell, is often surreal and for lack of a better word, stupid; throwing offhand quips at you by the minute to make sure that many of them will stick and land some laughs. But as with the first there is still a welcome amount of social and media satire, poking fun at an industry that makes its money from tragedy and destruction. It might not be subtle, but in a world full of comedy's with no message, it's refreshing to be given one - even if it is by someone who plays jazz flute and pays hobos to spoon with him. Ron Burgundy is very much like the North Star - wise men are going to want to follow it.

* * * *

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (IMAX 3D)

What does desolation even mean?

                                                Bilbo had no idea what it meant, either.  

DIRECTOR: Peter Jackson

CAST: Tim Canterbury, James Whale, Heinz Kruger, Jullian Assange, William Turner, Kate Austen, Aramis, Fernando Wood, Cheshire Cat, and a fuck tonne of dwarves including the annoying bloke from the Yellow Pages adverts...

PLOT: In the second Hobbit-y adventure, the fish-out-of-water, Bilbo Baggins (Freeman) begins to get his fins wet as he gets used to a journey of action, adventure and desolation on his travels to help a pack of dwarves reclaim the Lonely Mountain.


The wonderful thing about being lazy, choosing to watch the film adaptation before reading the book (if ever) when given the clear opportunity, is that it isn't obvious which scenes are bloated; none-the-wiser if a single paragraph from the source material takes up fifteen minutes of screen-time. If you are the opposite, though, why should you care? This is Jackson's take on The Hobbit, not Tolkien's, and the legendary New Zealand filmmaker will stay true to the novel where he sees fit, and most likely be greeted with plaudits and universal acclaim along the way. Rightly so, too.

For the second instalment of The Hobbit is superior to the first in almost every way possible. The action, danger and spectacle is bigger and better - you're not likely going to see a better action sequence than the barrels scene, with its long tracking shots and inventive combat, in quite some time. The story is quicker paced, yet we're never felt as if we are rushing through the story (and expectedly so with its two-hour-and-forty-minute runtime). And the fine cast are all beginning to fill the boots of their respected characters to a more confident degree - Freeman once again proves that he's the perfect choice, Richard Armitage sometimes threatens to steal the show as the brave dwarf seeking to regain his home, Ian McKellen, although not as busy as Gandalf the Grey this time, always manages to give a star-turn without fail, making it impossible to imagine anyone else reciting the line "it is undoubtedly a trap" with anymore brilliance, and time amongst the large group of dwarves is divided more fairly, with each and every figure of comic relief given their moments to shine.

But there's one standout character who everyone has been waiting to see, and that is the titular foe, the menacing, dangerous, and surprisingly charismatic dragon, Smaug. A better voice couldn't have been acquired for the self-proclaimed 'King under the mountain'; Benedict Cumberbatch's deep, low voice booms with threat and confidence, and as for the physical presence of the dragon itself - unbelievable. Weta Digital have truly outdone themselves and the moment that so many of us were waiting for didn't disappoint, made all the more impressive with the inclusion of IMAX; even if the first meeting between him and Bilbo did seem slightly overblown and repetitive, not quite surpassing the thrill and wonder of Bilbo's riddles with Gollum in the prequel.

             You may think yourself cool with a bow and arrow, but we're not forgetting that you're still ginger

If An Unexpected Journey was too light-hearted and friendly for audiences who yearned for another Lord of the Rings movie, they may take some respite from some added fire and flames. Although there's still barrels of laughs, there is a real fear of death, destruction and sadness, which adds a lot of weight to the narrative, but is still far from the sole reason that this is the superior Hobbit as of yet. That is due to the fact that Peter Jackson's vision has been slapped onto the screen in a beautifully vast and brilliant way, giving us the opportunity to get the feeling that we know a lot more about Middle-earth than we had done before, as Jackson showed further bravery by adding characters that weren't originally in The Hobbit novel, notably by giving Legolas some well earned awesomeness as he and the Elves dominate much of the best action sequences.

Although many will be frustrated with the sudden ending, it doesn't half build up the excitement for the next chapter of the tale, There and Back Again, set to be released in December of this year. It's a brave ending as Jackson probably thought it to be pointless to add needless duration to an already lengthy movie. It's anti-climatic and it's suited better that way, a cliff-hanger in the truest form, to remind us that there is still much of this magnificent journey to come.

* * * * ½

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Note to self - you can't catch fire... or throw it

                                  It wasn't long after this that the Nazi's fired their fashion designer

DIRECTOR: Francis Lawrence

CAST: Jennifer Lawrence (no relation), a load of men that aren't good enough for Jennifer Lawrence, one of seven psychopaths, the mother of JD's child, the head of Scientology, Kiefer Sutherland's dad, the pervert from The Lovely Bones, baboons, fog and blisters ... 

PLOT: It's the second adaptation in Suzanne Collins' immensely popular series of books, and with Katniss Everdeen (Lawrence) trying to get over the fun of the first film, she's invited (forced) back for more Hunger Games brutality when a selection of the previous winners are pitted against one another.

The biggest issue that the makers of the The Hunger Games: Catching Fire had to go up against was producing a different enough story than Gary Ross' adaptation of the first novel. It would have been easy to become The Hunger Games 2.0 instead of its own film by just showing another competition of predominantly adolescents offing each other whilst trying to keep the BBFC from losing their shit. Not only did Francis Lawrence make Catching Fire its own film, he made it the better film.

For the first half of the film's arguably overlong duration some viewers may feel agitated. Instead of watching the aforementioned competitors fighting to the death which took up the vast majority of the time in last year's prequel and became what it is now famous for, we get a wider exploration of the themes and the problems that mare the District's of Panem and are delivered an engrossing and compromising character study, including a further insight into a love triangle and dystopian social and political commentary that may not be subtle but is certainly most welcome. 

This is a franchise that has been conceived and birthed during the Twilight era but the important difference is that it has some added weight... and context, intelligence, heart, and overall genuine talent, really.

                               The Stig had to find another job after Top Gear's eventual cancellation

But as with the predecessor, despite the fact that the cast are all exceedingly impressive (even the worst Hemsworth brother is quite good), the biggest draw to the film is Jennifer Lawrence. She holds the camera and our attention with ease with her effortless likability and her flawless ability to throw herself head first into any role that comes her way. With any other actress, her character could come across as droll and joyless, but Lawrence's charisma and willingness to grasp the low key emotional scenes as well as the high-octane scenes so firmly has made it so that Katniss Everdeen has become her own beast, almost her own creation; if you read the novels now you envision Lawrence, and nobody would rightfully complain about that. 

As with the second half of the film, the actual Games themselves, it is a step up from the first. There are more challenges other than the enemy "tributes", a further reliance on teamwork and surviving against the elements, some of which when listed out on paper sound absolutely ludicrous but actually work out very well onscreen. The quality direction and cinematography, combining with the great performances, makes the Games a evermore growingly tense viewing throughout, with small hints that suggests which direction the emotional climax and the remainder of the franchise is going to go in, but is thankfully never too obvious for less active audiences. 

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire is a much more confident affair than its prequel. The unstoppable force that is Jennifer Lawrence grabs the role with both hands and the overall arcing story of Suzanne Collins' novels can no longer be backhanded by the ignorant as a mere knock-off of Battle Royale. It's become much, much more than that. The next two instalments, the novel Mockingjay which is being split into two films, will be a further test to translate to screen, but with the sustained talent of everyone involved, there's no reason that this unlikely phenomenon cannot continue to take the box office by storm.

* * * *